Beyond Measure
Queen Clementianna asked, “Mirror mirror on the wall…who is the fairest of them all? She was in the grips of jealousy and could not bear the thought of Snow White being more beautiful than she was. Joy was not hers unless the magic mirror validated her beauty daily.
When we think of queens, we envision perfectly exceptional women adorned with a crown that rests upon her brow. A symbol of confidence, authority and grace. If we took a peek under the regal exterior of a queen, we’d find her life to be as complex as our own. The crown she bears comes with challenges, insecurities and imperfections.
We often look up to women who possess qualities of a queen, be it beauty, talent, mental strength and professional success. However, this admiration can come at a price of self-judgment. We find ourselves comparing our own values, skills, body images and achievements to those of others and the imagined versions of ourselves.
An American psychologist named Charles Cooley believed that how others see and interact with us shapes our sense of self.
“As we see our face, figure, and dress in the glass and are interested in them because they are ours…so in imagination, we perceive in another’s mind some thought of our appearance, manner, aims, deeds, character, friends, and so on, and are variously affected by it”
Charles Cooley
Source: Human Nature and the Social Order, 1902, p. 182 (1922)
Comparing ourselves is a common tendency however it places us on an infinite ladder - plastic surgery, more money and bigger things. It impacts well being.
Here are some strategies that may help combat toxic self comparisons:
Know your triggers: This involves recognizing situations where you struggle with comparison. Awareness will help you successfully redirect your thoughts.
Practice self compassion and gratitude: Actively remind yourself of your blessings to maintain positive thoughts. (i.e. daily affirmations) Mindfulness helps to appreciate your own experiences. Be kind to yourself. Everyone on this earth has their own journey that includes struggles.
Limit social media: Social media can be a breeding ground for comparison. Follow people who you connect with and who uplift you.
Don’t fear failure: It is within the process of achievement and provides us with wisdom. You can if you think you can. You can’t if you think you can’t.
Celebrate others: Be genuinely happy for others. Their success doesn’t diminish your own.
Personal growth: Be consistent with self-improvement. If you want to compare yourself to someone, compare yourself to your past self.
Seek help: A mentor or a therapist will help guide you in determining the root of your negative thoughts so that you can gain a healthier perspective.
Your worth isn’t in how much you outshine others; it’s in the uniqueness and beauty of your own journey.
